The photos that had been lining the walls of Christine’s modest home in the New Jersey suburbs depicted a successful partner, caregiver, and working professional. A cherished person who could always be counted on to get mindless tasks done at the request of a busy colleague, to always have things around the house in order, or to lie restless every night and bear the emotional burdens of others’ poor decisions. The smiles in these photos may have implied a fulfilled person, but the eyes were those of a person made tired from years of being taken for granted.
One evening she came across a wallet-sized photo of herself as a 5 year old. Buried deep in the lower drawer of a long neglected writing desk, this photo depicted a much different picture. The delicate red gingham dress that she was wearing attempted to show a delicate and compliant lady, yet it was no match for an aggressive stance and dirt-covered face. The smile of this menacingly adorable child was as wide and gritty as always, but her eyes were wide and intentional. It depicted a person of uncompromising determination and unwillingness to let anyone stand between her and her destination.
As her eyes filled with tears, she wondered ‘With all of this maternal instinct, have I been allowing this small child to die?’
Our journeys to adulthood are filled with curious moments when we are presented with made-up rules, norms, parameters, constraints, and expectations. For many of us, our imagination remains, but rather than it opening us up to new possibilities and experiences, it traps us into fear of failure and into learned helplessness. Our preoccupation with making sense of an entropic world eventually exceeds our efforts to make an adventure out of it. Like the tree in Shel Silversetin’s classic children’s book, givers like Christine stop holding themselves and others accountable to become better and to reach their own potential.
After holding a series of critical conversations with limiting people and actually having to seek protection with law enforcement, Christine is reconnecting with the small child from the photo and has made it her mission to bring her back to life. People like Christine remind us how easy it is decrease our sense of significance as our understanding of the world increases. Many parents assume their roles without a clue of what children need, but quickly find that their children will invariably articulate them in one form or another. Children remind us to never stop championing our own needs and aspirations because expecting others to do so is futile.
One evening she came across a wallet-sized photo of herself as a 5 year old. Buried deep in the lower drawer of a long neglected writing desk, this photo depicted a much different picture. The delicate red gingham dress that she was wearing attempted to show a delicate and compliant lady, yet it was no match for an aggressive stance and dirt-covered face. The smile of this menacingly adorable child was as wide and gritty as always, but her eyes were wide and intentional. It depicted a person of uncompromising determination and unwillingness to let anyone stand between her and her destination.
As her eyes filled with tears, she wondered ‘With all of this maternal instinct, have I been allowing this small child to die?’
Our journeys to adulthood are filled with curious moments when we are presented with made-up rules, norms, parameters, constraints, and expectations. For many of us, our imagination remains, but rather than it opening us up to new possibilities and experiences, it traps us into fear of failure and into learned helplessness. Our preoccupation with making sense of an entropic world eventually exceeds our efforts to make an adventure out of it. Like the tree in Shel Silversetin’s classic children’s book, givers like Christine stop holding themselves and others accountable to become better and to reach their own potential.
After holding a series of critical conversations with limiting people and actually having to seek protection with law enforcement, Christine is reconnecting with the small child from the photo and has made it her mission to bring her back to life. People like Christine remind us how easy it is decrease our sense of significance as our understanding of the world increases. Many parents assume their roles without a clue of what children need, but quickly find that their children will invariably articulate them in one form or another. Children remind us to never stop championing our own needs and aspirations because expecting others to do so is futile.